Have you ever felt guilty about speaking up against a loved one? Sometimes we feel that we owe it to the people nearest us to go along with any situation, but it’s important to recognize when difficult conversations are needed. Amidst that, you’ll need to protect your positivity.
In an attempt to voice your emotions and be honest about how the actions of another have affected you, you may experience guilt. Especially if this person is a close family member, a spouse, or someone who has been there for you, it can be difficult to prioritize what matters to you because you feel a responsibility for respecting them.
One of the major sources of regret is feeling that you’ve hurt someone you love.
However, this is when your choice to be positive is challenged in a way that allows you to truly prove to yourself why you make the choice in the first place. It is not until we encounter significant conflicts that we realize what our values are, and have the opportunity to uphold them against all odds. You can choose to be positive by complimenting others. You can choose to be positive by dismissing your anger. You can choose to be positive by letting another drive join a long line in front of you. But, can you choose to be positive in a negative conflict with a loved one?
There is more on the line in these types of situations. We feel that we may lose someone important. We feel that we don’t have the right to call a loved one out on their actions. After all, they’re a “loved one”.
In this article by Headspace, Jennifer N. writes about the importance of grounding yourself before acting hastily. The article encourages you to recognize “before lament[ing] the negative people in your life and banish[ing] them to the ethers … that the ability to stay positive—especially when times are tough—or the tendency to fall down the negative rabbit hole may be hardwired.” The article shares a study from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology that shows how positivity and negativity are more biological than we suspect. Realizing this in your interactions with others can allow you to bring an empathetic lens to the conflict before blaming them harshly.
An empathetic lens will also allow you to understand where the person is coming from, but that doesn’t mean you have to adopt their mindset. You may feel guilty for recognizing when you need to make a conscious choice to protect your positivity, but this is also a chance to truly test your values. Work through the guilt. Remember that you must respect others, but that doesn’t mean you must feel exactly what they feel. If you don’t agree, you don’t agree—and that’s ok.
Sit with the guilt of protecting yourself when in a conflict with a loved one and allow yourself to validate your own emotions, then make the choice to push through with positivity. Ultimately, this will help both yourself and your relationship.
P.S. The fact that you’re even feeling guilt is proof enough of your good intentions. Don’t be so hard on yourself.